True to Life

Poop Fiction + The One Thing You Don’t Know About Me

3 months ago by Solenn

People sometimes ask: What do we not know about you?

I always have a hard time answering that question. I mean, practically my entire life is public, and I can’t keep shitting out “talent” after “talent.” Lol.

But I do have one more thing up my sleeve that you definitely don’t know about yet: I can totally write about poop. Hahaha. Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds gross and it’s so not sweet and ladylike of me. But a conversation about poop is always something that makes me laugh on a stressful day. I LOVE that it makes people so uncomfortable and shy, even though it’s such a normal, perfectly human thing. (Nico is shaking his head right now and questioning our marriage as I write this.)

I’ve listed down nine kinds of poop everyone can hashtag relate to. To all my fellow poo-shers out there, this one is for you! Haha.

The Terminator

The one you try to flush down the toilet, but always comes back.

*cue line* I’ll be back…

The Hunger Games

The obstacles never stop. First, your tummy hurts. Then your body starts to tremble. You’re feeling very uncomfortable in the conversation you’re in, distracted by looking for ways to escape. By the time you get to the CR, cold sweat is running down your back, but the LINE. IS. SO. LONG. You avoid eye contact and keep yourself busy by remembering the lyrics to a song. Despacito…

Finally, you get to the cubicle, ready to have the biggest party of your life. Then your deadliest challenge comes knocking: Mr. Toilet paper isn’t there.

Did you hear a canon boom somewhere?

The Phantom

You give “birth,” and magic! Your tissue is white as white can be. Now how did that happen? Lol.

The Blue Crush

You go into it and you are so satisfied. It’s just like catching the perfect wave.

You’re ready to leave… but then a second wave hits. Oops.

The Cliffhanger

This one is just hanging on for dear life. You need some type of lindol (earthquake) to shake it off.

The Camp Sawi

You stake your entire life into the effort of getting it out. You feel like you’ve exhausted all energy humanly possible, pero wala. Paasa.

The Rock

This naughty little poopster is on steroids. It’s been working out, it’s big. How is it ever going to fit down the hole? Afraid.

The Mask

This usually happens after a night with alcohol involved. It’s quick, it turns, it’s green.

The Saving Private Ryan

*Cue machine gun sounds*

Enough said.

* * *

LOL. Leave a comment below and let me know what you think about this story and what other crazy things you want me to write about!

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