If you know me or follow me anywhere in the internet, you’ll know that I’m 100% about keeping things real. That’s why my IG feed is so gulo and my Tweets have typos too many to count and this blog isn’t as curated as some people think it should be and the videos on my YouTube channel basically have no theme. Lol. I like sharing my thoughts and whatever else I come up with in life in the most honest way possible.
Lately, one of the things I’ve been hearing more and more is: How do you live a perfect life? My honest answer is you can’t. I definitely don’t. I think it’s easy to think that “celebrities” (lol I hate calling myself that) have perfect lives because we’re seen like with perfect makeup and perfect hair and perfect clothes a lot, but that isn’t even our real life. And honestly, SO MUCH time and effort goes into looking like how we look on TV and stuff. I actually did a video (below) to show you guys just how much work it takes.
If you watched the video, I wanted it to be pretty light and funny, but here in my blog, I also wanted to share the more serious things that happen when we don’t keep it real.
When I was growing up, if my friends went on summer vacay to Europe or somewhere fancy, I wouldn’t hear about it until I saw them again. But now, it isn’t like that. Because of social media, our lives are on display all the time, and it becomes so much easier to compare your life with your friends who are always traveling, who always have the best clothes, who have the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend. I still remember a time when it wasn’t this way, but this is the reality that kids today are growing up with. It’s easier to second guess yourself when everyone seems to have a perfect life. It’s easier to fall into anxiety and depression.
I’ve never shared this in public before, but I had my own struggles with mental health just last year. I remember I had weeks with no work, and just not doing anything made me doubt myself. During the days I would have work, some people on set would tell me I was getting bigger. Even though they were saying it jokingly, it still affected me. So I went on a crazy overdrive. I worked out and dieted to the extreme, tried to get as much work as I could. Because of the stress I was putting on myself, I got an anxiety attack at work. I still remember that during the attack, my face looked like it was melting and I had to go to the hospital.
I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. Clearly, more people had bigger problems than me. Yet I was still struggling mentally and emotionally, but at the same time, I didn’t think I had valid reasons to be struggling. So I didn’t want to talk to my family or my friends about it, because I was afraid to be judged and I was afraid they would get so worried. I didn’t want to see a psychologist, because I couldn’t admit that there was something wrong with me. So this is what worked for me, and I’m not saying this is what everyone should do, but what helped me was going to Theta Healing. I talked to a person who helped me release everything I was holding on to—the stress, the pain, the doubts. And it felt good. I was talking to someone who didn’t know me, so there was no room to be judged. I felt lighter and more motivated again after that.
So here’s really what I want to say:
1) If you are struggling with something, no matter how small you think it is, you need to talk to someone. Get it off your chest and off your mind. You can talk to a family member, a friend, or if you’re like me, talk to someone who doesn’t know you but who’s trained to help through your struggle. You can check out this master list of hotlines and resources on mental health in the Philippines and this Facebook group of suicide and depression survivors, both by mental health advocate Kate Alvarez.
2) It’s not selfish to focus on yourself. You are important to SO MANY people around you.
3) Use your words to spread kindness. I’m sure the people who told me I was getting bigger didn’t want to trigger a mental downward spiral for me. But that’s also the point—you don’t know how someone is going to take your words, whether you’re joking or not, so it’s just always better to use them to be kind and to build each other up.
4) Let’s stop encouraging this culture of perfection and comparison. There’s nothing wrong with sharing beautiful photos of yourself on social media, but just BE REAL about it. Don’t spend 30 minutes doing your makeup and if someone asks what your beauty routine is like, you say that you’re only wearing powder and lipstick.
Don’t even feel pressured to spend 30 minutes doing your makeup if the point of it is to look good for other people. Look good for yourself. Take care of yourself, because that’s what you deserve, not because you have an “image” to take care of. And if you want to share posts or photos that don’t look perfect and aren’t edited? Go ahead. Life would be so much easier and so much more FUN if we weren’t focused on being perfect all the time. Like what everyone says, YOLO. You only live once, so don’t spend all of your precious time curating your life—actually live it 🙂
I think this is the first time Nico and I are talking a lot about our lives as parents lately.… read more